My right to exist
I had a good conversation with my coach earlier this week. We, or probably I, discovered which words describe my trauma. OK, you already guessed: the events in my past led to my conviction I have no right to exist, at all…
I know, it sounds harsh, but this is exactly how I feel now and how I felt since my youth. Everything I did, held a lot of anxiety. Today, it is still the same. I cope with it, because I have to go to work, because I have to pay the bills, etc. It isn’t an option to do nothing at all because of the anxiety, I will get in trouble, no?
Now that I found these words describing my basic fear, it is easier for me to give it a moment thought. I can’t explain why it is, but it is. Since the conversation Saturday (it’s Wednesday today), I’m thinking about this text. Not about what I’m going to write but about taking action. I think about my wish to write to you, and about the anxiety that holds me back to actually do it.
I can’t explain why I succeed at this moment and why I couldn’t do it yesterday or another day. I don’t know why anxiety isn’t holding me back now. I know I really want to post this, because it’s my dream to help or inspire through what I tell the world at this blog.
Have a good day, see you next time!