It has been a long time you have heard of me but that’s because a lot has happened in the past few weeks. I will start in the middle of March. Then we got the announcement my car had arrived at the garage. It meant a lot of stress for me because there was a lot of administration and because the car had to be adjusted for me to drive it legally and that also isn’t done without a lot of communication and paperwork. The mechanic told us we would have the car on Thursday when we delivered it at Wednesday. So we had booked one night in a hotel in Antwerp. This Wednesday my husband drove the car to the special mechanic. Arrived there, he said if you’re lucky you will have your car at 6 p.m. Thursday. Oops that was a problem. He clearly said ‘if you are lucky’. he told us: it could also be 12 p.m. Well it wasn’t the plan to get the car at 12 p.m., so we booked another night in the hotel and luckily my husband’s boss allowed him to take an extra day off. Yes, we enjoyed our days at Antwerp and Thursday morning we got our car and I drove him back to Leuven. There were problems with the adjustments. So I drove the 80 kilometres back to the mechanic and you have guessed it: at the garage, no problem at all. 500 meters out of the garage I tried the adjustments. Luckily, there was the problem again so I could show the mechanic. There was something with the light from outside the car that interrupted the signal of my adjustment. Less than five minutes later there was the solution, tested again, thanked the mechanic and drove home. This time it all worked.
A few weeks later there were the assassinations in Brussels. I think you all heard about it. The job I do is in Brussels but Tuesday’s are the days I work from home. I sat behind my computer when I heard the news. It has had an impact on me. The assassinations at itself but also because it was in Belgium, my country.
There also were the arguments with my husband. We have a good relationship: last January, we were four years together. Next May, we are one year married. The only real arguments we have are on the subject money. My husband dreams. I mean he has dreams. One of these dreams is having a tattoo on his whole back. His ex-wife didn’t allow it. I have no problem with it unless it scares me. So he started searching, made an appointment, the tattooist made an example and then there was it, for me all of the sudden, his announcement: I have planned 4 appointments in 4 weeks. Each appointment is a 4 hours session and 1 hour is 100 euros. BAM! I immediately knew we didn’t had the money. And from that moment we had a problem. Once I tell him he feels guilty, becomes very negative towards himself and starts saying that he will undo everything because he’s the fault of everything and all he does is wrong. It’s hard to tell him that it’s not. Well hard, I can’t tell him because I know he would block. He blocks everything, he is completely in silence. He is extremely mad at himself. If I’m honest, that’s really hard to cope with. Because of my past I think very fast the other person is mad at me. I fear mad people because I’m scared they’re going to hurt me and I am physically not able to defend myself in the same way the mad person can. That gives me a lot of fear. This fear is getting worse when the other person is silent. The past few years I have learned a little bit to cope with this silence. It means to be silent too and not to ask over and over again for a reaction. At that point the other person gets angrier, he or she just wants to be alone. I try to cope with my anxiety at that point, but it is still very difficult and most of the times it doesn’t run the way I want it to be. I am aware that it all gets negative in my head at that point but trying to stop it didn’t succeed yet.
He knows I’m angry and I know it isn’t fair what he is doing but I don’t know whether you have met a man that doesn’t come back from what he decided. No matter what arguments you have, he really won’t change his mind. Never. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know who or what has helped me with this, on Earth or spiritually, but the first session of 4 hours he came back home 2 hours too early. My first thought was ‘what bad has happened’, but it turned out two hours were enough. It hurt him too much and he had asked whether the next sessions could be also sessions of 2 hours. He told me he was well aware about the money. The next session was planned 3 weeks from then. I made this blogpost in 2 parts. the first one was made on the day of the first session. Today, I write the 2nd part, on the day of the 3rd tattoo session, so for you to follow: today it is the 14th of May and three weeks ago I wrote the first part. So my husband just left for his 3rd session.
I have some health issues, I will write about them in my next post. This post will be coming online next Monday.
You don’t need to worry, it is curable.
Hopefully you all are coming back for my post on Monday! I really love to share my story with you.