My health

Here I am again, as promised. Like I told you at the end of my last post, I have some health issues the last month. Approximately 3 weeks ago I went to my GP,  because it caught my eye I was becoming very tired again, despite I slept my average amount of hours during the night.

The doctor took some blood samples and the next day I called for the results. Most of the vitamins were okay. It wasn’t a surprise that my vitamin D was not good.  She also compared some results with the results of my blood samples in February. She told me the figures of the thyroid gland hormones were low in February , but now they were even lower. So she subscribed  pills for this. The low rates of this hormone could also be an explanation for my fatigue. It should be becoming better when taking the pills.  After a week home I got back to work and thought it would be okay in a few weeks.

That’s not the case. Since a few weeks I have I have a lot of pain in my neck, right shoulder and wrist. Normally this comes from stress, I have pain in my shoulder for one or two days and I know from which situation the stress comes. But now it’s different. The pain last longer and I never had pain in my wrist before. Back to my GP, she subscribed me some sessions at the physiotherapist and some anti-inflammatory pills. Now I have to stay home from work again, this time for a week and a half.

Because of the public holiday today I couldn’t go to physiotherapist yet. I feel pain when I overdo , and at the moment overdoing is doing what I always do. I really need to do everything in baby steps and a lot slower than normally.  I hope the next time I need to stay home will be a long time in the future. Now it is a few weeks quickly after one another and it makes me scared to be seen as a someone who takes advantage of it.

I hope it will all go well in a few weeks, but I think it will. I will be very pleased when the fatigue will lose terrain. It holds me back now.

Lots of love to you all and see you soon.


Listening to the fear I feel

I want to take a day off at work. The question is: do I want to spend a day I got from my employer, or do I prefer to call me in sick? The moment I tell Danny, anxiety calls in. However I know, everyone is guilty to this crime every now and then, I know it isn’t right, it feels like I’m taking a HUGE risk. Just a few hours ago I told a good friend I really want to learn how to not always take to heart what I believe others will think of me, because I know I could mentally grow a lot. I also said I’m aware of the vicious circle I keep alive. It came to my consciousness that I mostly choose the safest option because I want to get rid of the horrible feeling of anxiety as soon as possible.

And here I am, I know going to work is the safest option, but my inner critic is telling me all what can feed my anxiety. Not only referring to this situation but really all the things it knows. Even though I know it isn’t realistic, I believe it completely…

I’m glad I could persuade myself to write this all down.

‘Till next time.


A new start

Hi you all,

I’m having a pretty tough time at the moment. Tomorrow,  Monday, 29th June, it will be my first day back at work after I broke my ankle. At the same time it will be the first time the central services of the company I work for, are located at their new position. Yes, they are moving at this particular moment. Okay, a little bit more information:

Until January 2015, I worked 4 days per week for a local government here in Belgium, that gave social institutions the opportunity to use interpreters when their clients didn’t speak or understand Dutch.

Because of a new federal law a new agency was founded and a lot of local institutions were united from New Year’s Day. The new agency employs around 650 employees who all do a job in function of integration or habituation. The goal of this agency is to centralize a lot of tasks, so there are created some new central teams, like HR, financial services, logistics and so on.

I told the head of my service that I really would like to work in the central financial team, and because there were short of people who would like to do that, I was allowed to work 2 days/week in my ‘old’ function, and 2 days/week in my ‘new’ function. The new function holds new colleagues, a new workplace, new tasks… This structure held from January untill June.

This weekend the new central teams are moving to their new building and off the record I know I need to go to this new building Monday the 29th. In the structure counting up to the moment I broke my ankle, Monday was a day I had to do the tasks of my old function. I can interpret this as the board has decided to give me the function in the central financial team. Me happy but scared to have misinterpreted. Is it ‘Will I start tomorrow in my new function’ or is it ‘ I’m allowed to start in the new function’

It’s hard because I really have no further information about the conditions which come with the new function. Yes, I know, a lot of answers I will get tomorrow, or I will have the opportunity to ask for more information to my new team leader. Every minute I don’t know more, it feels really harsh, nevertheless I know I will probably have to wait a few days before the financial manager or the leader of the financial team will find an hour or so to sit together with me so I will get some more information.

I’m nervous. I’m glad I already know my new colleagues, but the adrenaline is pumping through my body.

Many greetings,